Don’t Anthropomorphize Computers

apple-macbook-pro-wallpapers_35397_1920x1200Originally published on May 1, 2009.

The “This Week in Tech” (TWiT) guys, some of whom are Mac Snobs, joke around about Macs as “The Really Expensive Computer That Only Cool People Have.” There adamantly is a high degree of that among the more vocal of the Mac users. This phenomenon is experienced by drivers of nondescript compact cars of some vanilla variety — people driving Bimmers and Jas just ooze smug superiority. Mac users are the BMW drivers of the computer world.

There’s a solid reason for me to be all smuggy and satisfied. I left a not-terribly old Dell laptop¬†running Windows XP for my (still new and shiny) MacBook Pro and have been delighted at all the goodies I have on this toy. But more importantly, the differences in speed just makes my skin tingle with feelings of superiority. I boot up the Mac and *ping* I’m at my log-in. I log in and *ping* I am able to launch all the apps I like to use. I launch a gazillion apps (browser, e-mail, Twitter client, games, iTunes … all of ’em, all at once. Ping. Ping. PING!

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I (reluctantly) fired up the ol’ PC laptop today, then wandered off to fetch some more coffee, pet the dogs, clean up the kitchen, run a few errands …

Okay, a bit of exaggeration there, and I wouldn’t want to anthropomorphize my tech tools too much because I know they hate it, but here’s what they might say, if the laptops spoke while doing their tasks.

Booting up MacBook and logging in:

Alrighty! Let’s get this puppy rolling, ‘k all done now what else do you want me to do, can I refill your coffee, hey! have a great day!

Booting up Windows machine:

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Huh?

… whuh?

… You want what? Oh. Okay. Fine. Let’s see, where’d I put that … ah, somewhere in this registry I know I have it. Just saw it the other day … hmmmm …


You sure you want me to do this? Ohhh all right, then. Here’s your login screen. See ya.

Logging in to Windows machine:

¬†“Oh you want THAT user. <yawwwn> Yeahright.

<humming>dig thru the ol’ registry here … waitwait, gotta wait for this puppy to finish running …

la dee dum, diddle dum, humming a little windows tune-erooni while we wait …

NO, DON’T CLICK THAT MOU … awjeez, you clicked the mouse now I gotta go change the friggin’ pointer to … where DID I put that little hour glass? Ah, here it … WILL YOU STOP POUNDING THOSE KEYS <bluescreen>

I dunno. The Windows box seems rather like a cranky old janitor when compared to the Mac’s Golden Retriever.

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