The entire family gathered ’round to give him gifts. The dogs licked his face. The Boy gave his father a set of workshop tools. The Girl gave her daddy a gift certificate to a woodworking store, so he could go and indulge himself. His mother gave him a gift certificate to Sears, as she knows that he loves to go to Sears and buy their Craftsman© tools. Our entire garage is filled with Sears Craftsman© tools. It is a shrine to Craftsman© out there. Bob Villa would be proud.
I know how tough it is for guys to stop and ask directions. Lord knows, we’ve been lost enough, because the Spousal Unit didn’t quite know where he was going, and that male gene kicked in and prevented him from asking for directions. We’d wander for hours, eventually zeroing in on our destination. We made it to last year’s New Year’s Eve party on April 1st.
So I decided to get the guy a GPS. I researched them, found the very best one, and purchased it. Wrapped it lovingly and presented it to him on his natal anniversary. He was excited. A toy! A gadget! Buttons, and everything! A screen that lights up. oooh! He spent all last evening reading the manual (!!!) and cooing over his new toy. He pressed buttons. He “travelled” all around the world with it.
This morning, we arose early to go to the gym. He brought along his navigator.
“Hmmmm. According to this, you need to head due West about … let’s see … 1000 miles.”
“What? Are you sure? We’re only going to the gym, and it’s east of us. About 5 miles.”
“Nope. I’m sure. Head west. 1000 miles.”
I grimmaced and pulled out and pointed the car in the correct direction.
“No, no, no! You’re going East! Stop! Turn around!”
I kept driving.
“Fine. Ignore me … wait! Oops! Sorry. I guess I left it set to England. Here, let me recalibrate.”
I let him recalibrate. We arrived at the gym. He was muttering to himself.
“It’s not acquiring. Wait! Nav4. Okay. That’s funny, where’s Nav8? Okay. Got it. We are now …. Hmmmm. Wait! Where are you going?”
I grabbed my bag and headed into the gym. He reluctantly followed, still staring at the gizmo. As I opened the door to the gym, I could hear him still muttering.
“Head due south, 4 paces, turn in a westerly direction, 2 more paces.” “OW!” He had run into the wall.
“Honey, why don’t you put that away for now, and come and do some intervals on the stair climber, there’s a good boy!”
I didn’t hear what he muttered, but he did manage to make it up to the stair climber and begin his routine. I moved on to other equipment, and lost sight of him for a time. Later, as I was heading back downstairs, I found him seated at the juice bar, fiddling with the GPS. “There’s Nav8. Okay, now we’ve acquired … Oh, you ready honey? Let’s go. I can get us home, don’t worry.
I think that next year? I’ll give him a tie instead. Seems like less trouble.